Hello friends, I hope that you’re doing well. I had a great weekend hanging out with family. It was a blast! Even though our ages were varied and we only see each other once a year, it was really cool. This was the first time that I’d actually hung out with my grown son. There were no major disagreements and there was no negativity from anyone. That isn’t always the case when adults come together. Au contraire! This leads me to this week’s topic: When Grown Folks ATTACK!
I am at a place in my life where it is important for me to give back, to be active in my community. As a result of this new found need to serve I’ve joined a few organizations. Let me begin by saying that anytime you bring adults together and ask them to make decisions, you’re in for an interesting experience, to say the least. If you’re lucky, you’ll be a part of some lively discussions that will make you think out of the box and draw on each others unique perspectives to come up with great ideas. OK, I said if you’re lucky. More often than not, you’ll see people fighting to be seen and trying to make a name for themselves. There are people who just don’t understand that there is no I in T-E-A-M.
I’ve only been in this one particular group for a short while, and since joining I’d befriended one of the senior members. I thought that she was nice and I admired her because she is skilled at fundraising. I am terrible at networking for profit and I told her that I thought that I could learn from her. She is a type A personality, hopelessly driven and very hyper. She expects everyone else to be just as driven as she is. I made the mistake of listening to her complaints about other group members. I listened and even sometimes agreed that things could be done differently. The first time that it happened I’d known that something was going to go down. She told me that she was planning to address some “issues” Little did I know that she was preparing for an all out attack.
Her attack was swift and merciless. She proceeded to tell the other ladies how they were incompetent. She argued that no one could do what she does. She systematically went around the table tearing into each unsuspecting victim, her words leaving each person raw from the gnashing. I thought that I was safe, but before she finished, she turned and pounced, accusing me of cowardly behavior because I wouldn’t take sides. I had tried to stay out of the row, and told her that I really did not have enough knowledge of procedure to speak to the mistakes of others. She scrunched her mouth and mockingly said “She’s sitting over there scared to say anything.” I quickly let her know that it had not been my intent to come and fight; and that I resented that fact that she’d tried to pull me into the mêlée.
When I left that meeting I really felt bad; I hadn’t signed on for this. I was tense and annoyed. I felt as if I’d been ambushed. After the meeting I questioned her as to why she had treated me that way. Of course she had no good answer. What makes some adults believe that they can talk down to others? I understand that people often disagree with one another. I know that sometimes tempers flare. However,I only have one mother and it ain’t her. My own mother doesn’t talk to me that way.
I thought about the incident later, and I tried to give her the benefit of the doubt. Perhaps she was tired or sad or….No, the fact of the matter is that she is harsh, and she talks down to people. She doesn’t just talk down to people. Her every conversation turns into a scolding, an “I told you so” fest. I have seen her tear into the hides of other team members as if they were wilder beasts in the Serengeti. She’s just downright mean when things don’t go her way!
Her attacks have continued. At one meeting I found it necessary to confront her. I simply explained to her that we all want the same thing. All of us want success. We want all of our projects to go well. After that exchange I thought that things would be better. It seemed as if she had calmed down. NOT! The most recent meeting was last Tuesday. I was about ten minutes late, and they (the rest of the team) had just begun to get down to business. Things had gone well. All of the items on the agenda had been covered, and we were about to adjourn. I turned to the lady who’d been rude to me previously and asked her a question. She looked at me and barked “That was in the notes, didn’t you take notes. You’re the vice chair, you should have it written down!” I said sarcastically “excuse me for bothering you,” I then told he that there was no need to fuss. Needless to say I left angry. Once again I’d let this woman steal my joy.
You know, life is too short to stress over other people and their issues. Yet sometimes they still manage to pull you in. I’m stressing over what to do about this situation. Do I tell her how I really feel and prepare for battle? Or do I just steer clear of her, do my part in the organization, and call it a day? I’m afraid that I’ll end up giving her a piece of my mind, but it just isn’t worth it. Pray for me to do the right thing, whatever that is…
Well friends, I’ve taken enough of your time today. However, I knew that you’d appreciate my dilemma. Look at what I’ve told you as a public service announcement. I just want you to think about what you’ll do When Grown folks ATTACK!!!!! Have a good week and stay cool. Talk at ya again soon!
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