Hey there my friends, I hope that you are all well. I have a bad cold and every time that I think I’m feeling better, I actually feel worse, and this too shall pass. Sick time actually means downtime, and too much time to think. I think that maybe I can do it now. What is it? It is everything that I should have been doing all along. I accredit this revelation to the fact that my spiritual self has a newfound boost. It happens every now and then (more then than now) however the older that I get, the more that I feel the need to get right spiritually. According to my mother, if I go to church more often, things will fall into place. I think that there’s a little more to it than that.
Let me begin by telling you that my religious upbringing was limited. My father disliked anything resembling religion because of his exposure to hypocritical Christians that attended his church. He says that when you see a preacher he’s usually licking his lips and zipping up his pants. In other words, preachers just want a good home cooked meal, and your wife. I used to think that his, ah, theory was far fetched, however nowadays I’m not so sure. It seems like more and more I hear about preachers getting caught with their pants down, literally. The problem is that we all need to realize that preachers are mere mortals, not Gods. I’ve shared my father's philosophy with you to let you know a little of my religious upbringing. I actually learned about God through my father’s mother, my grandmother. She was a devout Christian. She taught a Sunday school class and was very active in the church. My father was a teacher by profession, and we spent summers at Grandma’s in North Carolina (we actually lived in VA) Grandma took us to Sunday School, Church, and Vacation Bible School when it was in session. We went to The Autumn Festival at church and the Christmas party for kids. I learned about Jesus and God and the Devil. I’ve always wanted to be a good person. I’ve tried, really I have tried.
When I went off to college I visited churches from time to time with friends. I joined a gospel choir and most of our singing was done in church. I enjoyed singing and I got a taste of different churches along the way. I went to Baptist, Methodist, Pentecostal, and even Catholic churches. I know that it’s good to be good, and to forgive. I know that despite my shortcomings, I’ve always tried to do the right thing. Yet, there is so much more to do, I want to know what love is (to quote the song by the same title.) I want to actually feel the love of God. Is it a feeling, a true feeling, or an intangible emotion?
I see evidence of God and his mercy all the time. God has kept me afloat in my chaotic life despite my bad choices. I pray (not as much as I should) and I talk to God all the time. I think I have a personal relationship with God. Will I know by what happens in my life, or will I really hear his voice? Is it just the knowledge that he is there? I wonder what others are feeling. When I ask a Christian what it means to have God talk to you, I’m told it’s different for different people. Apparently if I don’t know when he is talking to me then I must not have a good relationship with the Lord.
I wonder if the voice of reason, or justice, or anything else good that I choose to do is indeed the result of what God tells me to do. I have not spoken to anyone who can really tell me. I want to know if some Christians just say that they hear God because anything less would make them unholy. Is God the one who tells you to return the extra change that the clerk at 7 Eleven gave you? I have a friend who says that she moves based on what the Lord tells her to do. Yet, she seems (in my humble opinion) to be making decisions based on what she wants. Needless to say she keeps making bad decisions that thrust her life into chaos. You can’t tell me that God is whispering the wrong advice in her ear; she is going on her own free will. Honestly, is it what you feel or what you believe? What is the voice of God? Is his voice my voice telling me to do those things that will please him? I know that the answer is in the Bible. I’ve often felt that I know so very little about the Bible. I always make a New Year’s resolution to read my bible every night; and I always fail miserably at keeping it. So, I decided to join a bible study group last spring.
It’s great, and I’m learning so much. It seems however that when my classmates talk of the good that God has done for them, there is a hush and in my mind a celestial choir begins to sing (I said in MY mind.) Don’t get me wrong, I so believe in God and his goodness and mercy. His mercy has carried me through some very tough times. Why just this morning I locked all of my keys in the house. I pulled out the old credit card and began trying to ‘jimmy’ the door open. I prayed Lord, help me get this door open. I tell you no lie, seconds later the door opened just as smoothly as if I’d used the key. I believe, but am I hearing God through his actions? I hope I don’t sound crazy here, most of my friends were raised in the church, but I wasn’t. I don’t know all of the hymns and I must use the index at the front of the Bible to find the right book. I can’t tell you how many busy body old ladies have found it necessary to reach over in church and point me to the right passage. I’m getting a lot better now though. Maybe someday I’ll be the old lady helping someone to find the right passage…maybe….someday. Till then I’ve got a lot to learn and there are so many things that I need to do in order to cultivate my spiritual self. One important thing that I must do is to find myself a church home.
Over the years I’ve visited many churches. There are times when the preacher actually put me to sleep. Others screamed so loudly that I spent most of my time trying to cleverly hold my arms up to give praise while protecting my eardrums from the deafening roar. Other times I’ve genuinely enjoyed the sermon and come away with spiritual food for thought. I haven’t joined a church because I haven’t felt that I'm good enough. I know that no one is perfect, but there are so many people who extol the virtues of Christianity to others while they themselves are backsliding all over the place. I know that I can’t be worried about what everyone else does. I’d better be concerned with my own salvation, and I am. It’s just that I don’t want to be one of those hypocrites who doesn’t walk the walk.
I do try to live my life doing unto others as I would have them do unto me. I treat people as I want to be treated, with respect. I am kind and compassionate. I give in order to help others feel better. OK, before you jokingly begin to call me Mother Teresa, I do realize that I’m far from perfect. As some folks will tell you “I am a work in progress.” I’m gonna be alright, I am on the way and salvation will be mine!
Well friends, I hope you have reached a better place in your spiritual journey than I. I’ve been told that religion and politics are subjects to be avoided, yet I think that perhaps both need to be discussed and pondered, often. Communication is key, especially with religion. Can I get an Amen? Until next time, have a good today and a better tomorrow. I’m out.
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